my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
