Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
