Just cropdusted the office
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
