seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You ruined the universe
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
