well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
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the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
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My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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