I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
