porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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