I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Randomize
