Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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