I like to think it a success when the cops are called
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
