I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
