Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
