my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
