I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
