Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My vagina is very pro this idea
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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