If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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