i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
