Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
