The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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