her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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