Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
