You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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