Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
