stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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