Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
