Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
