Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
