How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
