I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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