I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
