Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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