You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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