We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
