when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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