So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
