Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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