i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
