i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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