my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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