porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
