I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i think i have herpe
just one?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
