She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
