She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
