Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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