my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
