he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
