The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
