I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
