I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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