whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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