Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
