I accidentally had phone sex last night
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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