the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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