I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she told me i tasted like america
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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