You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
