MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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