I'm so fucking centered right now
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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