I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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