I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
