Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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