Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No stitches, just platelets and will power
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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