Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
