I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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