problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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