So drunk, too bad you don't want this
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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