I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
