True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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