I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
