Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
