They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
