the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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