on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
