the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
