Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
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YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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