dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
