I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
